If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you are worried about someone in your life and unsure about how to help them. The truth is that when you start searching online for information about how to support someone battling addiction, you’re going to find an array of information with sometimes contradictory advice. It’s hard to figure out what’s real and evidence-based versus what is anecdotal and opinion-based. This blog post is designed to give a brief overview of how to support someone you love and some resources that you might find helpful in the process.
Someone can experience addiction with substances like alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, or other drugs, or they can experience addiction with behaviours like internet, gaming, pornography, sex, gambling, shopping, or food. With either substance or behavioural addictions, there are similar signs and symptoms of addiction including a loss of control, a mental preoccupation with the substance or behaviour, destructive behaviour toward self or others, repeated and unsuccessful attempts to quit, irritability, mood changes, and physical signs of withdrawal.
Based on those signs and symptoms, if someone you care about is experiencing addiction, there are a few things you can do to help.
- Communication – One of the most helpful things to do in any close relationship is to communicate about concerns as they arise. If you start to notice behaviour that is worrying you, speak out to your friend or family member as soon as possible. Early identification can help with accessing treatment or counselling before their major life areas are severely impacted. It can also be a reminder to the individual that you are there for them and willing to provide support. Communication does not always mean that the person will be willing to make changes, but it will help lay the foundation for communication in the future if they want to make changes later. When communicating your concerns, it’s important to keep a few dos and do not’s in mind. DO – make sure that they are sober and not under the influence when you talk to them, create a two-way dialogue by inviting the person to share their feelings or thoughts about the conversation, stick to the facts about what you’ve observed and why it worries you, and leave sufficient time to have the conversation. DON’T- confront the person unexpectedly, ambush the person by inviting multiple people to this conversation (an intervention is not the right way to go about expressing your concern), try to convince them that they have a problem if they are not interested in having that conversation, berate or lecture the person, and finally, don’t expect a quick solution as treatment and change can take time.
- Educate – Often family or friends don’t know much about addiction and how to support their loved ones. They don’t understand the causes of addiction, what to say to their loved one, what resources are available, or the emotional toll it can take on everyone involved. When you learn about the causes of addiction, it can be helpful to know that there is no one to blame, that it’s not because the person is weak or doesn’t care about you, and that they are not “choosing” to use. You can learn about which terms can be empowering to individuals navigating recovery and which terms can lead to feelings of shame and unworthiness. Understanding addiction and recovery can help family and friends understand how to support their loved ones but also themselves, leading to a newfound sense of hope.
- Connection – The truth of the matter is that it can be hard to love someone with an addiction. It can leave you with chronic stress or worry, make you feel isolated or alone, or like there is no one to talk to. Research shows that connection is helpful for both the individual with addiction as well as their family members. Supportive, safe, non-judgemental environments can help you feel like you’re not alone in this journey and to get information from people who are coping with the same stresses. There are lots of support groups available for family members of individuals with addiction that are offered both online and in-person. Additionally, challenging your own stigma to open up to people in your social circle can help you feel supported by those around you, and you might have the opportunity to learn about similar situations that they have been in.
- Manage Expectations – Unfortunately, addiction is a process that can involve a cycle of relapse and recovery. It can be very disheartening to all of those involved, but keep in mind this is a normal part of most behaviour changes we make in life. Most of the time, when we commit to making a change in our life, it takes a few attempts to find the best methods that work for your personal needs. The same is true with addiction. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to treatment, so this might mean that your loved one tries multiple treatments or approaches before they find the treatment that works best for them. During this period, it’s important to manage your expectations. Recovery is a process and can take time. Allow yourself to have fair expectations for both yourself and your loved one as they navigate recovery.
- Therapy and Self-Care – Addiction can cause deep wounds for the family and friends of loved ones. Caregiver burnout can occur and place you in a position where you feel apathetic and unable to be there for your loved one. Accessing therapy and engaging in regular self-care is vital. As the old saying goes “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. We cannot support our loved ones if we are not taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs. Therapy can give you skills for handling stress, voicing your concerns to an unbiased person, working on assertiveness skills, letting go of resentment, or disengaging from codependent or enabling behaviours.
Finally, you’re probably wondering what sort of treatment is available to help your loved one if they are ready to get help. The specific resources will change depending on where you are living, but to provide a brief overview there are two main types of treatment offered: inpatient or outpatient. Inpatient treatment is when your loved one will go to a residential facility for a length of time (usually between 21-90 days). During this time, they will meet with therapists specializing in addiction that will provide assessment and treatment. Outpatient counselling involves your loved one attending an appointment, typically once a week, with a therapist in your community. The therapist will complete an assessment and provide treatment based on their needs. This gives the client opportunity to practice skills in the community and report back at their appointments. There are pros and cons to each type of treatment.
Many different types of therapy have been researched to determine efficacy for treating addiction. The most popular form of treatment is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT is an evidence-based treatment that focuses on the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and physiology. CBT is particularly helpful for individuals struggling with addiction because it challenges the individual to slow down and challenge unhealthy thoughts and behaviours. It also helps individuals examine core beliefs that may be contributing to the cause of addiction like low self-esteem, insecure attachment, low mood, or anxiety. Through CBT, the client learns healthy coping mechanisms and responds to external situations with a new approach. Another form of treatment that is often used for treating addiction is Dialectal Behaviour Therapy (DBT). While DBT is primarily used for treating Borderline Personality Disorder, it has 4 components that can be very helpful for managing substance use that is based on impulse or unregulated emotions. DBT is a very structured treatment with tangible skills to use outside of therapy, which many clients find particularly helpful. Another helpful therapy technique is a method called Motivational Interviewing (MI) which was developed from a model about the Stages of Change that looks at how people make changes to unhealthy behaviours. MI uses specific questions, techniques, and activities to help the client develop motivation to make changes to their behaviour. MI uses a collaborative and non-confrontational approach in which the therapist works alongside the client. This is a great therapeutic method if your loved one is still experiencing ambivalence about entering recovery and making changes to their life.
While these 3 types of therapeutic techniques are beneficial for clients experiencing addiction, there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach to addiction. Each person will have their own specific needs which will need to be assessed during their initial appointments.
It’s challenging to support someone with addiction and there is no handbook on how to best do it. At Integrated Therapeutic Services we are proud to offer access to an addictions specialist that can meet with you and/or your loved one to help navigate the process of recovery. If you are looking for more information, please contact us at 403-919-7251 or info@itstherapy.ca to arrange an appointment.